fun and fear

It has been a great six weeks with Lucia in our family.  There's lots of love from Nico, and lots of cuddles and just overall we feel blessed to all have eachother.  It's weird because you can't remember what life was like without her. It's like we have all been together forever.

Yesterday Lucia turned six weeks and gave us a big scare!  I was changing her diaper and she was crying because she was letting me know it was time to eat.  As soon as I finished and picked her up, she stopped and I sat down to feed her.  I looked down at her and something was wrong!  She was arching her back, stiff arms and legs, and went completely cross eyed not responding to me.  Something was wrong and I didn't know what to do.  I ran into Grammy's room with Lucia for her to call 911 as I kept trying to snap Lucia out of it.  I started patting her back and just put her on my chest to try and calm her and finally, which seemed like forever, she stopped arching and her eyes finally went back to normal.  Casey was on the phone with 911 and they were going to send an ambulance to come get her, but we just hopped in the car and headed to AI hospital as quickly as we could, the whole time I am trying not to lose it but what I wanted to do was cry my eyes out. I felt like I couldn't talk because I felt like I couldn't breathe.  My heart was in my throat and I just wanted Lucia to be ok.

As soon as we got to the hospital, they registered us and took us back pretty quick.  Grammy and Pop pop met us there and stayed in the waiting room the whole time.  As soon as we got back there my mind started racing,  Did she have a seizure, is she ok, is this going to happen again, is there something wrong with my baby, LORD not again, and so on... I had to keep it together and not freak out.

The nurse came back, made us strip her down to her diaper and they gave us the smallest hospital gown possible, which was still WAY to big.  I was just holding her and all I wanted to do was feed her and take her home.  The nurse checked her and said, it sounded like a seizure and I couldn't feed her because she would have to get tests done and one may have required her to be sedated.  They were now sending the neurologist down.  A neurologist in her fellowship came down and said it didn't sound like a seizure and would have the head neurologist come down to check her to be sure, but we may need to get a few test done.  Then the physician came in and said they were going to keep her over night to watch her. Again, my heart beating in my throat, I just held her to me, praying in my mind.  We were now waiting for the pediatric neurologists to come in and tell us what was next.

In came Dr. Bean.  Imagine an older man in his 70's with a bow tie and carrying around a doctor's bag. The bag from those movies when they would come to the house to check you out and treat you.  He completed an exam and the whole time he seemed so thrilled with Lucia saying, "perfect" and "beautiful".  He said she was completely healthy, no tests required, and we could take her home.  He thought that she may of been choking and that is the reason for the arching and stiffening of the body.  He said her eyes may have crossed from her being stressed choking, but she is fine and we could take her home.  When Dr. Bean walked out of the room Casey looked at me and said you remember him, and it hit me!  Dr. Bean had once given us the worst news of my life.  He was the doctor that told us Brody has sever hemeraging in his brain and was not going to make it.  Now yesterday, gave me some of the best news that our lil girl is perfectly fine!  How bitter sweet.  All I know is I thank the Lord for taking care of Lucia and our family.  Then I could finally breathe.  I got home, got in the shower, and finally cried my eyes out.  What a day

one month, already!

Hard to believe, but Lucia is already one month old!  It's already going too fast : (

So a little about this girl... She loves her food!  Lucia eats every 3 -4 hours and not a minute later. She will let you know if you are running late ; )

She is a good sleeper, loves to look at her big brother, and has SO much attitude already.  This little one doesn't cry, she yells!  This is usually when she wants to eat and I am trying to change her first.  There are never any tears, just a YELL!  What am I in for with this one?!

Right now Lucia and I are sleeping in the kids' room, until I can get her to sleep through the night.  She's almost there getting her last feeding at 11pm and waking up around 4 or 5am, then going right back down until 8am.  Nico is getting to sleep in bed with Daddy, which he loves, but makes sure to come into the room with Lucia as early as possible to get his snuggles in.

Everyone keeps asking me, "is Nico jealous, how is he handling it".  Well, I have ever seen a child SO in love with his sister.  He wants to hold her, kiss her, feed her, and yes... change her diaper!  As soon as he gets home from school, he runs in the door yelling," Mommy, Lucia, where are you?"  It's all love and affection until bed time.

I love my family.  It has been a little hard for me as it probably is for any mom.  I just don't feel like I belong to myself right now.  Feeding, pumping,  cleaning, then all over again. But! it's all worth it.